Hi, I’m Bob, I’m a goldfish and a goldfish has a memory of…… Hi, I’m Bob, I’m a….

Memory loss. OMG how many times have I forgotten what I was doing this week!! Recently I left my bedroom to go to do something, I didn’t quite get to the bathroom door (some 6 paces away) and I had forgotten what I was going for. I know that as we age this kind of thing gets worse, but seriously I’m not 50 yet.

This is something which massively impacts life for me at the moment and in fact was the first thing that I noticed after I started the menopause. I had two assistants, who were absolutely ace, but I kept giving one of them a job, then forgetting I’d done that, and giving the same job to the other one. Not great for a boss who is supposed to be high functioning. To be honest I at the time I didn’t realise that I was in menopause, I thought I was going mad….. loco, bonkers, insanity type mad.

It has got worse and now most days I will have incidents where I have conversations with someone and either my concentration fails me, or two minutes later I can’t remember what they said. My boss must wonder what the heck I am doing…..sorry M!!

Bearing in mind I spent 20 years in a career where I relied on my memory for conversations, that aspect of my memory was highly developed. I’ve taken the loss of it really quite badly. What worries me more is that I need to undertake some qualifications in my new job and I really fear that I won’t be able to take the information in and find a place in my memory.

One of the reasons I called this blog Meena Menopause and the “change of life”, is a double play on the menopause commonly being referred to as “the change” (presumably referring to the fact that one is changing in to a big fat hairy bloke) but also because I went through a major career change last year.

I used to be a top lawyer, but I was really struggling with the job. It was such a stressful job anyway but in combination with the menopause (when I eventually realised I was in it) was just too much. My memory wasn’t working properly, my emotions were all over the place and I found myself weeping whilst driving to work, only to be manically laughing by the afternoon. I was on a roller coaster of emotions and it was really hard to continue functioning at a high level. I was becoming really quite depressed and I knew I needed to find another job or company. In January 2017 I was sat at my desk with a resting heart rate of 92 beats per minute and something needed to change. Fortunately for me the self important twat sacks that I worked for decided that I was too expensive and forced me out in the most hideous way possible. On the upside, I’m sure they will all rot in hell (although this does depend on a rather more theological debate of whether God and the Devil actually exist……one for another blog, not this one).

So I changed jobs, changed industries, changed profession. I started again in a low level project support job, the change was so difficult, and the first few months brought more tears than Tears for Fears (in a 1980’s neon disco outfit when you got dumped by Martin in year 4), but things improved over time and I finally got confirmed as a project manager just last week.

The downside here is that I’ve had to learn a whole new job, subject and language and trying to do that whilst you memory banks are closed for business has been incredibly difficult. My GP said that high functioning women often find the menopause more difficult because of the cognitive problems and boy was she right.

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